WALLYS WAFFLE: ELF-N-SAFTY

First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR to all our punters, not to forget all the LOLLIPOP people who were banned from wearing Xmas hats, etc, because of the risk of causing accidents, plus TESCO staff who won't sell party poppers to anyone remotely looking under thirty because of an explosion risk and lastly the poor old COASTGUARDS who now have to fill in a "pre journey risk assessment "before" they can even attempt to rescue someone on their last breath!!!
Tesco's seem to have the monopoly in the stupidity stakes lately with some real weird and wonderful ideas of how to save us from ourselves! A 23 yr old copper was refused to be sold a bottle of wine because his partner was only 18.(18 is legal, isn't it!) This was even after he'd showed the Hitler lookalike his warrant card!!! To top that, in a another Tesco Store was a 48 yr old housewife who was asked to prove she was over 18 before she could buy a cut price T shirt!! The reason was it had a GUINNESS ADVERT ON THE FRONT!
These little Jobsworths have been BRAINWASHED into actually believing they are doing us a favour and if they were not here, the hospitals will be heaving with the "Joe Public" suffering from a multitude of serious accidents. It actually reminds me of the rumour I heard of a lady who fell on a vacuum cleaner impaling it, into her body. When asked how she's recovering the report back was "she's picking up nicely!".
On that note, I'm now going to clean my top windows with no hardhat or harness, dig the garden without steel capped boots and if I'm really feeling dangerous, eat a freshly picked apple without washing it!!!!

BREAKING NEWS :- Scientists have just declared that they've found a virus that makes you fat!!! So watch who sneezes over you in MacDonald's!!!! You can't make it up!!!!

Wally

QUIZ NIGHT

For all you Brain Boxes and Thicko's everyone can manage to do well in Pot Blacks Unique Quiz Night. Each team gets to cut from a deck of cards to win the opportunity to choose from 1 of 9 categories. This gives even the 'less intelligent' of us a fighting chance because you can pick your specialist subject or even pick a subject you know your opponents are weak at!

There are three rounds of 20 questions plus a Picture Round which is always dead easy... well I think so anyway, but it is easier when you set the questions!

Teams can be of unlimited size (within reason) with a fee of just £1.50 per player. All the £'s are paid out to the winning team and the 50p's go towards spot prizes which can be won by individual team members. So even if your team lets you down you stand a fighting chance of pocketing some cash anyway!!!!

Kick-Off Saturday 31st January 8.30ish

Don't forget Happy Hour runs from 8pm - 9pm which always helps the imaginations

DREAM TEAM 20/1/09

7 players have seen their teams cruise past the 1000 point barrier just a few weeks into the new year. Man City have been linked with every player in the world but who can make the difference in your team? Those who haven't used all their transfers yet could make the push up the league with the right swaps.

Simon 'Worst case scenario' Blyth leads the way with strong performances from Arteta and Van Persie in particular lately.

EL-CRAPPO 2008/09

FED UP WITH PLAYING IN TOURNAMENTS AND DRAWING THE BEST PLAYERS WHO JUST POT YOU OFF THE TABLE? THAT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN HERE, THIS COMPETITION IS FOR YOU!!TO BE ABLE TO ENTER THIS COMPETITION YOU HAVE TO BE THE TYPE OF PLAYER WHO JUST PLAYS FOR THE FUN OF POTTING ANYTHING! ALL ENTRANTS MUST HAVE A LIFE TIME HIGHEST BREAK OF LESS THAN 50!COME ON AND TRY YOUR LUCK, EVEN ROD THE TICKLER HAS WON THIS COMPO!!

CLOSING DATE FOR ENTRANTS IS
MONDAY 23RD FEBRUARY

SEE NOTICE BOARD

POT BLACK CIDER CUP OF DARTS

OH MY GOD! Weekend Sportsman chancing his arm at captaincy! given the chance to face off in a battle of wits against B team legend Tony quiff Atkinson. 16 were present a mixture of drunks, superstars, has beens ,wanna be's never beens and don't wanna be's !

THE TOSS - Quiff win's this with a call of heads (was he cheating???) and put me on the back foot by picking Matt serious Hook!! I looked around for someone to rival this but there was no one so I picked dream team star man from a few weeks ago Hos, I said it was because I heard he was in form but it was really because he was the biggest, I wanted to be on his team, these thing's can get a little heated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yeah I may look stupid! underneath the brain is ticking!)

Team Quiff - the quiff himself, Serious Hook, Gav Chillo, Splat Self, Gemma Serious, Hurricane Hitcham, Bungle Bennett, Slong Long.

Team Harrod - Weekend Sportsman, Flatty, Baker, Ozzie, Northfield, Hos, V man, Wally

A very unhappy group of over weight pot black members surrounded the bar following the draw they were not amused (yep you guessed it! MY TEAM), they didn't fancy their chances, all the talk was, Bakers pissed, Flatty cant let go of em, Northfields nickname is yiddo, he surely cant be any good??, V man's never played before and Wally has been known to take out the odd skirting board!
Honors even in the fours, some thoroughly horrific darts were thrown, but nothing lost in camp Harrod so onto the doubles.
I sent out Yiddo and Wally in the 1st doubles likes lambs to the slaughter facing Matt and Gemma serious!! they lost but only just, I know I'm meant to be supportive but seriously guys you lost to a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Flatty and Baker reeled back the years to defeat Quiff and Bungle in a decisive game hitting 140,140,132 in the process (cant let go and pissed my arse!! well played boys) myself and Ozzie took a convincing win and I celebrated like I had won the lottery! and after the double's team Harrod were in a 4-2 lead GET IN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moving into the singles the free beer was flowing courtesy of the club (thanks Wally!!!) and there was just no stopping team Harrod as they surged into an unassailable 8-2 lead, Yiddo defeated Gemma serious (but only just), Ozzie defeated Chillo and hit a 180!! woooo look at meee!! pissed up Pete dispatched the Hurricane and the skirting board pinning dart flicker Mick Wall came good and calmly ended Slong Long's hope's of glory!
A late rally by quiffs team and the final score was 8-6 to team Harrod (can't be bothered to talk up their teams result's but I played a captain's role LOSING!!!) the evening finished with a sports quiz to decide the who were the overall champions!
Questions were read out by the pot blacks extremely glamorous bar maid Stacey Kinnear causing me to lose all focus and answer no questions correctly (love you Stace xxx), and Flatty and Yiddo had a barney about absolutely nothing (Gary can be a bit of a T**T!!!!!!) but we still managed to gain a draw in this event meaning only one thing-TEAM HARROD HAD COME OUT VICTORIOUS!!
And off to Broadview we all toddled for fun, frolics, beer, laugh's and ladies of the night (oh s**t sorry V man that was years ago!!)
cheers Mick for staging the event! maybe get a trophy next year??
Paul weekend sportsman Harrod
(captain fantastic)

POT BLACK SERIES OF POKER 2009

This years series of poker will be starting on Saturday 24th January, with 12 heats throughout the year leading to a grand final at Christmas. Last years prize fund was over £1500. This year we have made some slight alterations to the rules which can be found on the Pot Black Poker link opposite. Be sure to read up to gain most advantage and hopefully give you the edge to knock out last years big money winners 'Spawny Ash' and Aaron 'All-In' Cooper!!!!

DADS & LADS SNOOKER COMP WINNERS

Dads & Lads Finalists :- Roger & Sam Milton, Jason & Sam Russell
Read how this motley crew potted their way to stardom in 'The internal Snooker Competitions' section.